This is the last post for the blog a day thing that I wanted to do, and today's blog is gonna be kinda serious. It's about me and it's about the wedding, and how I feel w/ it getting closer every single day. I'm going to be completely honest, so if you're a bride to be and you're on a budget, then you're soon going to recognize w/ a lot of these emotions.
I am happy that I am going to marry Chris in 5 weeks and 6 days. I'm ecstatic. I'm also scared out of my head. I am completely freaking out. There is so much that needs to be taken care of that's not even happening on the wedding day. We still have no idea where we're going to be. My whole life I've known exactly what's going to happen to me (for the most part) and where I'm going to be. That's not the story come May.
I am going to start having to find time to go through all of my stuff and start donating and throwing away a bunch of stuff. It scares me. I've always had my stuff! I have tons of stuffed animals, and I went ahead and gave 2 of them away tonight to Olivia, my other flower girl. It didn't hurt to give them away since I know she's going to take good care of them, but I still have so much more to go through.
We still have to pay some people for the wedding and get all of that out of the way, and we still have to order a few things. We're about 90% there to where we can get married and I not stress about certain details. I'm super excited because I know that we have such fantastic vendors and they all work wonderfully together, so our wedding is going to be everything I've ever dreamed of, but me being me, I'm still going to stress over something. Hopefully, I will be tipsy enough to not care though.
I will drink at my wedding, but I will not get drunk! Another thing I am scared of is that we don't have a coordinator. We never put that in the budget, and we've always been telling ourselves that we can do this. We can pull this together ourselves. I've told people about our wedding, and they've asked who's coordinating, and when I say we don't have one, their jaw just kinda hits the floor. Yeah. Thanks for the warm fuzzies guys. I'm pretty sure, about 95% sure that Chris and I can do this wedding w/out a coordinator since we're surrounded by such amazing friends and family.
I've also been stressing out about our vows. I have no problem telling Chris how much I love him and how much he means to me, but it's difficult to find the perfect wording to the vows and promises that I need and want to make to him. I think I have it, but I'm such a perfectionist at my writing, that I'm probably going to edit it a million or so times. I want to make sure that what I say to him is as perfect as he is to me.
This wedding and this engagement has been a true test of patience. Chris and I have been together for about 8.5yrs, and we've been engaged for nearly 5. I've had no choice but to be patient. We haven't had to money or a place to stay or anything until now. Chris will graduate and have a job or being going to grad school. We will have a means to support us. All this time that we've spent planning has lead up to this. It's going to happen, and it's going to happen soon. Chris has about 3 weeks left of classes and I only have a few weeks left watching Sean and Emily, and I'm going to make sure that these are the best next few weeks. I only hope that the weather is nice so that I can do this for them.
The wedding is in 41 days. I'm still not sure when I want to show up to start getting ready for the wedding. All I know is that the ceremony starts at 4 and Chris and I are leaving the wedding to go to our new home at 9. It can be in Nashville or it may be here in Madison. We're praying Nashville. I'm scared and freaking out, because I stress and worry and that's a part of who I am. I'm learning (slowly) to just lay it down and relax, but I'm also excited. I'm so excited that I can't stop counting down or telling Chris and everyone else how many days we have left. I'm so excited that whenever I get the chance I look at my dress, and keep thinking I'm getting married in this. I am so excited that I can't help but look at Chris multiple times during the day and say "I'm gonna marry you"
Thank you guys for reading this blog and listening up to me as I spill out my life and what's going on this past month. I may start up another blog and just post on it whenever. I don't think that it'll be every day, because doing every single day has been difficult. Yesterday's didn't come out til close to 12:30 this morning. I hope that you guys have enjoyed this :)
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Expectations on Moving
Chris and I will be moving. We aren't sure where though. We'll either be in Nashville or we'll still be here. We're hoping Nashville.
I have lived here in Madison my whole life. I have friends since before kindergarten. Whenever Chris and I drive down the road I can tell him what used to be what and what roads used to not exist. The Arby's on the corner of Hughes and 72 used to be a Wavajo gas station when I was little. When we first moved into our house off of Balch there used to be nothing between Wall Triana and the Wal-Mart on up on University close to Research Park, and Research Park wasn't even called that, it was called Rideout Rd. There is just so much that has changed, and I've witnessed it all, but I'm ready to move. I'm ready for a fresh start.
Don't get me wrong though. I love all the friends, family, and the memories that I have here, but it's time for some new friends and some new memories. It's scary to think of being in a whole new city not knowing the back roads and ins and outs of places and little shortcuts that shave a bit of time off of rush hour. I know just about every single street and neighborhood around the Madison area. If you're deep in a subdivision I'll google your address, but most of the time I know exactly where I'm going and exactly how I'm going to get there in the best way. If we move to Nashville then I will have to learn all of the shortcuts for Nashville and everything else.
The only thing about living in the Huntsville/Madison area for as long as I have is that there isn't much to do at all. We have the Space and Rocket Center, but when you're in elementary school they're gonna kill it for you quickly. You're gonna go at least once a year. As an adult I haven't heard of that many good bars that I would like to try, and I've heard the worst terror stories about Sammy T's and if you wanna get raped that's where you go. I know that there are all kinds of things for Chris and I to do in Nashville. There are tons of bars, and good local restaurants. There are a few amazing ones around here, but there aren't as many.
I'm scared though. If we move to Nashville we're gonna be 2hrs away from family. We're gonna be on our own, and I'm used to always being surrounded by family. I think it'll be fantastic for Chris and I as newly weds, but it's still a thought that makes me nervous. I can't wait to be in our own place and for us to decorate and all of that. I can't wait for Tora to have free range over a house and us not worrying about her terrorizing the other animals or getting into stuff she shouldn't.
We still aren't sure where we're going and it's driving us crazy. We want to start making concrete plans and getting stuff ready, but at the same time I'm hesitant. I'm gonna start having to go through a lot of my stuff and getting rid of it. Chris isn't going to want all of my stuffed animals on our bed, and he's not gonna want glow in the dark flowers on our ceiling. I know it's time to start getting rid of stuff, but it's sad and it's also kind of rejuvenating at the same time. It's sad to give up your childhood, but it's awesome to live your childhood dream of having the wedding of your dreams to the man of your dreams.
I have lived here in Madison my whole life. I have friends since before kindergarten. Whenever Chris and I drive down the road I can tell him what used to be what and what roads used to not exist. The Arby's on the corner of Hughes and 72 used to be a Wavajo gas station when I was little. When we first moved into our house off of Balch there used to be nothing between Wall Triana and the Wal-Mart on up on University close to Research Park, and Research Park wasn't even called that, it was called Rideout Rd. There is just so much that has changed, and I've witnessed it all, but I'm ready to move. I'm ready for a fresh start.
Don't get me wrong though. I love all the friends, family, and the memories that I have here, but it's time for some new friends and some new memories. It's scary to think of being in a whole new city not knowing the back roads and ins and outs of places and little shortcuts that shave a bit of time off of rush hour. I know just about every single street and neighborhood around the Madison area. If you're deep in a subdivision I'll google your address, but most of the time I know exactly where I'm going and exactly how I'm going to get there in the best way. If we move to Nashville then I will have to learn all of the shortcuts for Nashville and everything else.
The only thing about living in the Huntsville/Madison area for as long as I have is that there isn't much to do at all. We have the Space and Rocket Center, but when you're in elementary school they're gonna kill it for you quickly. You're gonna go at least once a year. As an adult I haven't heard of that many good bars that I would like to try, and I've heard the worst terror stories about Sammy T's and if you wanna get raped that's where you go. I know that there are all kinds of things for Chris and I to do in Nashville. There are tons of bars, and good local restaurants. There are a few amazing ones around here, but there aren't as many.
I'm scared though. If we move to Nashville we're gonna be 2hrs away from family. We're gonna be on our own, and I'm used to always being surrounded by family. I think it'll be fantastic for Chris and I as newly weds, but it's still a thought that makes me nervous. I can't wait to be in our own place and for us to decorate and all of that. I can't wait for Tora to have free range over a house and us not worrying about her terrorizing the other animals or getting into stuff she shouldn't.
We still aren't sure where we're going and it's driving us crazy. We want to start making concrete plans and getting stuff ready, but at the same time I'm hesitant. I'm gonna start having to go through a lot of my stuff and getting rid of it. Chris isn't going to want all of my stuffed animals on our bed, and he's not gonna want glow in the dark flowers on our ceiling. I know it's time to start getting rid of stuff, but it's sad and it's also kind of rejuvenating at the same time. It's sad to give up your childhood, but it's awesome to live your childhood dream of having the wedding of your dreams to the man of your dreams.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Annoying
I may have mentioned this a few times through out the month, but I was annoying when I was little. This post and the last two this weekend are going to be me being completely honest about some feelings that I've been struggling w/.
I had a very high pitched voice when I was little, and I didn't know volume control. I was super loud a lot of the time. I also had a problem w/ not shutting up. I wanted and had to be the center of attention all of the time. I also did guy stuff that a lot of girls didn't like. I hung out w/ "nerds" and so they didn't hang out w/ me because of that.
I was a terrible sister to my younger brother. I drove him crazy. I would make him play dress up and Barbie w/ me. We had a terrible fight when we were still in high school, and I'm honestly surprised my brother and I still talk. I was a jerk of a sister. Once Phillip moved out we got closer, but Phillip didn't move that far. Josh is across the country, so it's hard to be close to him when he's so far away, but he'll be where in about 4 weeks :)
I was always so annoying when I was younger. I've done my best to not be that way anymore. I try really hard not to talk too much and to turn down my volume when I speak. I don't have the high pitched voice anymore. When I get really tired I tend to talk a lot and giggle, and not know when to shut up.
After high school I've been working on this a lot. There were a lot of girls in high school that I would try to talk to and get to know, and if I said something odd or weird they would just kinda stare at me w/ a half smile and kinda nod. Once I turned around I could hear her look around at a friend and laugh. I was always paranoid that people were laughing at me or thinking I was weird.
I have always been a people pleaser. I want to make everyone happy. I want everyone to like me. There was a quote I found, and it's kinda helped me.
You can be the sweetest, juiciest peach in the world and still find people who don't like peaches -- Dita Von Teese
That quote has helped me recently. It's been hard coming to the realization that, no, I can't make everyone happy. I try so hard, and that's probably my problem. I try to hard to make people like me, and in the process, sometimes, I'm not always myself. I've been myself a lot more lately and I've been making some good friends at our church. I'm just going to come to the fact that if people don't like who I really am, then oh well. That's their loss. It's still hard though sometimes.
When I was little and we moved into our house, I would find kids about my age and just ask them if they wanted to be my friend. I've never been afraid to talk to people and spill my life story w/in minutes of knowing them. I trust people very easy, and it's not always the best thing. I have been taken advantage of, so I don't trust as easily as I used to.
I'm glad I'm not as annoying as I used to be. I know I still have my moments, but I've been working hard on it. I'm not that little girl anymore who is super annoying. I'm a woman, and I'm getting married in about 6 weeks. I don't think Chris thinks that I'm that annoying :)
I had a very high pitched voice when I was little, and I didn't know volume control. I was super loud a lot of the time. I also had a problem w/ not shutting up. I wanted and had to be the center of attention all of the time. I also did guy stuff that a lot of girls didn't like. I hung out w/ "nerds" and so they didn't hang out w/ me because of that.
I was a terrible sister to my younger brother. I drove him crazy. I would make him play dress up and Barbie w/ me. We had a terrible fight when we were still in high school, and I'm honestly surprised my brother and I still talk. I was a jerk of a sister. Once Phillip moved out we got closer, but Phillip didn't move that far. Josh is across the country, so it's hard to be close to him when he's so far away, but he'll be where in about 4 weeks :)
I was always so annoying when I was younger. I've done my best to not be that way anymore. I try really hard not to talk too much and to turn down my volume when I speak. I don't have the high pitched voice anymore. When I get really tired I tend to talk a lot and giggle, and not know when to shut up.
After high school I've been working on this a lot. There were a lot of girls in high school that I would try to talk to and get to know, and if I said something odd or weird they would just kinda stare at me w/ a half smile and kinda nod. Once I turned around I could hear her look around at a friend and laugh. I was always paranoid that people were laughing at me or thinking I was weird.
I have always been a people pleaser. I want to make everyone happy. I want everyone to like me. There was a quote I found, and it's kinda helped me.
You can be the sweetest, juiciest peach in the world and still find people who don't like peaches -- Dita Von Teese
That quote has helped me recently. It's been hard coming to the realization that, no, I can't make everyone happy. I try so hard, and that's probably my problem. I try to hard to make people like me, and in the process, sometimes, I'm not always myself. I've been myself a lot more lately and I've been making some good friends at our church. I'm just going to come to the fact that if people don't like who I really am, then oh well. That's their loss. It's still hard though sometimes.
When I was little and we moved into our house, I would find kids about my age and just ask them if they wanted to be my friend. I've never been afraid to talk to people and spill my life story w/in minutes of knowing them. I trust people very easy, and it's not always the best thing. I have been taken advantage of, so I don't trust as easily as I used to.
I'm glad I'm not as annoying as I used to be. I know I still have my moments, but I've been working hard on it. I'm not that little girl anymore who is super annoying. I'm a woman, and I'm getting married in about 6 weeks. I don't think Chris thinks that I'm that annoying :)
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Dream Vacations!
Before Chris and I have kids I would love to travel some. If we move up to Baltimore I would love to take Chris to D.C. since he has never been there. I'm gonna tell you some places I want to go here in the U.S. I want to go to New York and see a musical. I've always wanted to go there. I would love to visit the city my dad grew up near, Pittsburgh. I have been dying to visit a ton of places in California as well. If I could ever go there I would go to Los Angeles, San Francisco, Sacramento, and a ton of beaches there. I would love to be able to visit my younger brother and his wife in Las Vegas. I think it would be a blast to visit New Orleans as well. If you can't tell, I haven't been to a lot of places. The farthest west I have been is Texas, and the farthest north is D.C. I have been to Hawaii as well, and I'm grateful for that, but I must explose more!
Paris. Paris is the number one place I have dying to go my whole life, just like I've been dreaming to get married and have the perfect wedding, I've been dreaming of vacationing in Paris as well. I used to read stories about Madeline when I was younger, and I have no idea though what got me so hooked onto the French culture. I took French in high school, and I love learning the language and the culture. It's so fascinating to me. I've told Chris, that if I have been given a week to live, to get me on the first plane out to Paris. I really don't want to die w/out visiting this city and seeing it's sites and taking in it's history. I don't care if it stinks. This is a life long dream of mine, and I will see it one day. When we went over all the fun historical places in my French class I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to go there one day.
Another place that Chris and I would like to visit is Japan. I started having an interest in the Japanese culture when I started getting into anime. I had a friend at the time who was really big into the culture and trying to teach herself Japanese, so I learned a few things about the culture from her. I think that their fashion is really neat there, and that their technology is through the rough. I only just found out that the country has the highest suicide rate because of their honor system type of culture. It just seems so foreign to me, and it intrigues me at the same time. I love learning about this kind of stuff. Chris has been working on teaching himself Japanese for the past year or so, and I think he's doing pretty well.
I would love to visit Italy and Germany one day as well. I want to visit Italy because of the history and the food (lol). There is so much beauty there, and I would love to see Venice and see how much of it really is under water w/ my own eyes. I want to see where some of Ancient Rome was, and I would love to visit the Vatican since I was raised Catholic, and since I'm sure that the cathedral is jaw dropping-ly beautiful. I would love to visit Germany since that's where a lot of my heritage originated there. I would also like to try the beer. I have yet to find a beer that I like. I've tried all kinds, and maybe (just maybe) Germany has the beer I'm looking for. I haven't studied much about Germany and the places to visit or sites to see, but I'm sure that there are tons. Sandy is German, and has been a few times, so I'm sure she wouldn't mind telling me what to do.
I believe that there is a Disney park at each of these locations some where, and I want to visit them as well. I want to see each country's take on Disney and what they have to offer. I really am a nerd, aren't I?
Paris. Paris is the number one place I have dying to go my whole life, just like I've been dreaming to get married and have the perfect wedding, I've been dreaming of vacationing in Paris as well. I used to read stories about Madeline when I was younger, and I have no idea though what got me so hooked onto the French culture. I took French in high school, and I love learning the language and the culture. It's so fascinating to me. I've told Chris, that if I have been given a week to live, to get me on the first plane out to Paris. I really don't want to die w/out visiting this city and seeing it's sites and taking in it's history. I don't care if it stinks. This is a life long dream of mine, and I will see it one day. When we went over all the fun historical places in my French class I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to go there one day.
Another place that Chris and I would like to visit is Japan. I started having an interest in the Japanese culture when I started getting into anime. I had a friend at the time who was really big into the culture and trying to teach herself Japanese, so I learned a few things about the culture from her. I think that their fashion is really neat there, and that their technology is through the rough. I only just found out that the country has the highest suicide rate because of their honor system type of culture. It just seems so foreign to me, and it intrigues me at the same time. I love learning about this kind of stuff. Chris has been working on teaching himself Japanese for the past year or so, and I think he's doing pretty well.
I would love to visit Italy and Germany one day as well. I want to visit Italy because of the history and the food (lol). There is so much beauty there, and I would love to see Venice and see how much of it really is under water w/ my own eyes. I want to see where some of Ancient Rome was, and I would love to visit the Vatican since I was raised Catholic, and since I'm sure that the cathedral is jaw dropping-ly beautiful. I would love to visit Germany since that's where a lot of my heritage originated there. I would also like to try the beer. I have yet to find a beer that I like. I've tried all kinds, and maybe (just maybe) Germany has the beer I'm looking for. I haven't studied much about Germany and the places to visit or sites to see, but I'm sure that there are tons. Sandy is German, and has been a few times, so I'm sure she wouldn't mind telling me what to do.
I believe that there is a Disney park at each of these locations some where, and I want to visit them as well. I want to see each country's take on Disney and what they have to offer. I really am a nerd, aren't I?
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Wedding Party
Chris and I have an amazing wedding party. I am so excited to share this information w/ you guys, and introduce you to the amazing people that will be a big part of our big day!
My maid of honor is Sandy. I've already had a whole blog about her, but she is awesome. She knows how to organize and plan. She will also be a nurse by the time of the wedding, so if I fall or faint then I know that I am in good hands. I know that I can count on her for everything. She is my wing (wo)man.
Daphne is second in command. Daphne is my amazing sister in law. She married my brother about 4.5yrs ago. She tried to plan a wedding for her and Phillip, but they decided to elope in Hawaii, and it was perfect. She has tons of ideas for stuff and she's super helpful w/ so much, on top of being a mom and a student w/ a full time job. Yeah, she kicks ass.
Missy will be my new sister once Chris and I get married. She lives out in Texas, so she's missed out on a lot of stuff, but I've made sure to make sure that she will be included in the bachelorette party. Missy knows how to have a good time, and I know she'll help make sure that I have one as well. I hate that she doesn't live closer, but I can't wait to finally see her. She is super creative, and has helped w/ ideas and planning and other stuff as much as she can from as far as she is, she has done an awesome job. She helped Chris and me decide what to do w/ our cake and how to have it. I've missed Missy, so it'll be wonderful to see her soon.
Last but not least for the girls is Kaitlyn. I met Kaitlyn back in high school. She and I were in culinary together, and we found out that we both had a serious love for Disney, and she introduced Chris and to the world of dance! She will be helping Chris and I w/ the waltz. I love Kaitlyn and she stepped in last second and is ready to go. She helped plan the shower and got her dress and everything super quick. She rocks.
Onto Chris's guys! Chris's best man is Nathan. Nathan is awesome. Chris has known him a year longer than I have, but Nate is like a brother I've never had. I can talk to him about a lot of stuff. We can have some serious conversations sometimes, and then other times he can have me rolling on the floor laughing and holding my sides while snorting. We have our issues sometimes, but I know that he's always on my side, and that I can trust him.
Michael, our friend that we've met online is also included in this party. We only stayed w/ him for 2 nights. Those 2 nights were some of the best memories that Chris and I have together. San Antonio was so much fun, and Chris and I can't wait to go back some day and hang out w/ him. Michael is one of the nicest guys that I know and he's ridiculously funny too. Ladies, he's easy on the eyes as well, but I do believe he's taken. Chris and I were trying to figure out who all was going to be a groomsmen and I asked if he wanted Michael in, and he said yes, but he wasn't sure if Michael would want to be included, since we'd only known each other for a couple of days, but I guess he thought that we were equally awesome since he said that he would be honored to be a groomsmen :)
Victor...yeah...haha. I love Victor. I had a crush on him in 8th grade. He was one of my best friends that year. Little did I know that him and Nathan were best friends as well. Victor is a very charismatic kind of guy, and he is super sweet. Every time he decides to come home he gives me a huge hug and picks me up. He lives in Auburn, so we only really see him on the holidays, but we always have a blast when he finally comes home.
Last for the guys is Chris's good friend Ryan. They both majored in the same things, and I do believe that they have the same minor as well, but Ryan just graduated back in December. They got to know each other pretty well since they had a lot of classes in common. Ryan was really quiet at first when we met, but now it's gotten to be pretty easy to talk to him. We have a few things in common and one very important thing is that we all love Doctor Who. He's really cool, and I'm glad Chris has him as a friend.
Then Sean and Emily are ring bearer and flower girl as well as Olivia and Noah. Olivia and Noah are Chris's cousin's kids. Noah just turned 6 earlier this month, and Olivia will turn 4 in September. Olivia and Emily are going to steal the show, because they are going to be so dang pretty and cute that no one is going to want to look at me, and Noah and Sean are just gonna play it cool. We're going to try and get them some Converse as well.
Yeah, EVERYONE in the wedding party will be wearing Converse. I got to thinking about my girls, and most of them don't wear heels that often, so I figured they would love this and be more comfortable and not hafta worry about a shoe change during the reception.
I hope that you have enjoyed getting to know our awesome friends that are going to be by our sides when we get married. We couldn't have chosen a better bunch of people. I'm looking forward to having them all up there w/ Chris and me. We're getting so close everybody...
My maid of honor is Sandy. I've already had a whole blog about her, but she is awesome. She knows how to organize and plan. She will also be a nurse by the time of the wedding, so if I fall or faint then I know that I am in good hands. I know that I can count on her for everything. She is my wing (wo)man.
Daphne is second in command. Daphne is my amazing sister in law. She married my brother about 4.5yrs ago. She tried to plan a wedding for her and Phillip, but they decided to elope in Hawaii, and it was perfect. She has tons of ideas for stuff and she's super helpful w/ so much, on top of being a mom and a student w/ a full time job. Yeah, she kicks ass.
Missy will be my new sister once Chris and I get married. She lives out in Texas, so she's missed out on a lot of stuff, but I've made sure to make sure that she will be included in the bachelorette party. Missy knows how to have a good time, and I know she'll help make sure that I have one as well. I hate that she doesn't live closer, but I can't wait to finally see her. She is super creative, and has helped w/ ideas and planning and other stuff as much as she can from as far as she is, she has done an awesome job. She helped Chris and me decide what to do w/ our cake and how to have it. I've missed Missy, so it'll be wonderful to see her soon.
Last but not least for the girls is Kaitlyn. I met Kaitlyn back in high school. She and I were in culinary together, and we found out that we both had a serious love for Disney, and she introduced Chris and to the world of dance! She will be helping Chris and I w/ the waltz. I love Kaitlyn and she stepped in last second and is ready to go. She helped plan the shower and got her dress and everything super quick. She rocks.
Onto Chris's guys! Chris's best man is Nathan. Nathan is awesome. Chris has known him a year longer than I have, but Nate is like a brother I've never had. I can talk to him about a lot of stuff. We can have some serious conversations sometimes, and then other times he can have me rolling on the floor laughing and holding my sides while snorting. We have our issues sometimes, but I know that he's always on my side, and that I can trust him.
Michael, our friend that we've met online is also included in this party. We only stayed w/ him for 2 nights. Those 2 nights were some of the best memories that Chris and I have together. San Antonio was so much fun, and Chris and I can't wait to go back some day and hang out w/ him. Michael is one of the nicest guys that I know and he's ridiculously funny too. Ladies, he's easy on the eyes as well, but I do believe he's taken. Chris and I were trying to figure out who all was going to be a groomsmen and I asked if he wanted Michael in, and he said yes, but he wasn't sure if Michael would want to be included, since we'd only known each other for a couple of days, but I guess he thought that we were equally awesome since he said that he would be honored to be a groomsmen :)
Victor...yeah...haha. I love Victor. I had a crush on him in 8th grade. He was one of my best friends that year. Little did I know that him and Nathan were best friends as well. Victor is a very charismatic kind of guy, and he is super sweet. Every time he decides to come home he gives me a huge hug and picks me up. He lives in Auburn, so we only really see him on the holidays, but we always have a blast when he finally comes home.
Last for the guys is Chris's good friend Ryan. They both majored in the same things, and I do believe that they have the same minor as well, but Ryan just graduated back in December. They got to know each other pretty well since they had a lot of classes in common. Ryan was really quiet at first when we met, but now it's gotten to be pretty easy to talk to him. We have a few things in common and one very important thing is that we all love Doctor Who. He's really cool, and I'm glad Chris has him as a friend.
Then Sean and Emily are ring bearer and flower girl as well as Olivia and Noah. Olivia and Noah are Chris's cousin's kids. Noah just turned 6 earlier this month, and Olivia will turn 4 in September. Olivia and Emily are going to steal the show, because they are going to be so dang pretty and cute that no one is going to want to look at me, and Noah and Sean are just gonna play it cool. We're going to try and get them some Converse as well.
Yeah, EVERYONE in the wedding party will be wearing Converse. I got to thinking about my girls, and most of them don't wear heels that often, so I figured they would love this and be more comfortable and not hafta worry about a shoe change during the reception.
I hope that you have enjoyed getting to know our awesome friends that are going to be by our sides when we get married. We couldn't have chosen a better bunch of people. I'm looking forward to having them all up there w/ Chris and me. We're getting so close everybody...
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Self Esteem and Body Image
This is kind of a part 2 continued from the last post.
For as long as I can remember I have had self esteem issues. I always wondered why certain girls would just hate me and not want to be my friend. I never got that, and I still don't. My family would just say that they're jealous because I'm so much prettier than the other girls. I never believed them. I thought that they always said that because they had to, they were family.
My exes never told me every day that I was pretty. My last ex was kind of a loser. I still talk to him every now and then, but I don't think he was very secure about himself. He said I could flirt w/ any guys just as long as I never acted on anything and he was still number one. I don't think he was secure w/ the fact that I liked him enough, so he thought he would keep me happy by saying that stuff.
I would think "If I'm so pretty, then why won't the popular guys even look at me or talk to me?" I haven't ever really felt pretty. Chris tells me every single day that I'm pretty, gorgeous, beautiful, hot, etc. My parents would also tell me that I was pretty. I hate the media. I hate how these tall airbrushed models that wear half the clothes I do are shoved into my face and every other single girl out there. It's not fair. Of course we feel inadequate.
I like that Dove and a few others are trying to show real women w/ curves, and I like that more and more women are trying to embrace their curves, but it's almost too little too late. I respect some of the models though. That's some serious work and little sleep. They hafta be extremely active and they have people watching their every bite. I couldn't do that. I couldn't have people telling me that I can't eat those sweet potato fries, and that I can't have a brownie for dessert.
I've been working really hard on my self esteem. There have been times where I think that bulimia would be so much easier, but I know how bad it is, and I know how much I would disappoint everyone if anyone found out about it. I have a feeling once I start getting off of my butt more and exercising and treating my body better that I'll be more content.
As I said in my last post I want my arms and thighs to look better. I would also like my belly to be a bit better as well. I have a feeling though that I will probably struggle w/ this forever. It's a girl thing sadly. I will do my best to just take what Chris says and believe that and keep that in my head and ignore all of the media.
For as long as I can remember I have had self esteem issues. I always wondered why certain girls would just hate me and not want to be my friend. I never got that, and I still don't. My family would just say that they're jealous because I'm so much prettier than the other girls. I never believed them. I thought that they always said that because they had to, they were family.
My exes never told me every day that I was pretty. My last ex was kind of a loser. I still talk to him every now and then, but I don't think he was very secure about himself. He said I could flirt w/ any guys just as long as I never acted on anything and he was still number one. I don't think he was secure w/ the fact that I liked him enough, so he thought he would keep me happy by saying that stuff.
I would think "If I'm so pretty, then why won't the popular guys even look at me or talk to me?" I haven't ever really felt pretty. Chris tells me every single day that I'm pretty, gorgeous, beautiful, hot, etc. My parents would also tell me that I was pretty. I hate the media. I hate how these tall airbrushed models that wear half the clothes I do are shoved into my face and every other single girl out there. It's not fair. Of course we feel inadequate.
I like that Dove and a few others are trying to show real women w/ curves, and I like that more and more women are trying to embrace their curves, but it's almost too little too late. I respect some of the models though. That's some serious work and little sleep. They hafta be extremely active and they have people watching their every bite. I couldn't do that. I couldn't have people telling me that I can't eat those sweet potato fries, and that I can't have a brownie for dessert.
I've been working really hard on my self esteem. There have been times where I think that bulimia would be so much easier, but I know how bad it is, and I know how much I would disappoint everyone if anyone found out about it. I have a feeling once I start getting off of my butt more and exercising and treating my body better that I'll be more content.
As I said in my last post I want my arms and thighs to look better. I would also like my belly to be a bit better as well. I have a feeling though that I will probably struggle w/ this forever. It's a girl thing sadly. I will do my best to just take what Chris says and believe that and keep that in my head and ignore all of the media.
Fit and Healthy
I am doing my best to be more healthy and more fit. After I graduated from high school I gained close to 50lbs in about a year or so. I was getting close to 200lbs. I was wearing close to a size 16 jean and I hated how I looked. I finally started watching Sean and Emily a lot, and last year I lost close to 20-30lbs. I'm now going between 140-and 150lbs.
I've also been trying to eat healthier lately. I want to look good in a bikini when Chris and I go on our honeymoon. It's been hard, and I have days where I eat what I want, and regret it.
Chris has me working out a lot to help me lose some fat as well. I did this squat challenge the other day, and it killed me. It's on my facebook, and my legs are still hurting. It hurts to walk. It hurts to do anything really. I had my final alteration appointment yesterday. I didn't feel pretty in my dress. This is the first time that I have put on my wedding dress, and not felt pretty. I've gained about 5lbs lately, and my arms look terrible. I almost had back fat, and I felt terrible. Usually when we go for a fitting I have had a shower that morning and my makeup done, and I haven't been up all morning. That wasn't the case yesterday. I had a shower the day before, had been up since 6:20, and no makeup. I looked like a mess.
I'm excited that I'm getting the dress back in a month and I'm going to look much better in it this next time. I won't feel so fat. I want my arms to look better and I want my thighs to look better as well. There is a lot that I want to make look nicer about myself, but I know if I can't do all this before the wedding that it won't be the end of the world.
I won't ever let myself get as heavy as I was a few years ago. It's a daily struggle to maintain a weight and to lose weight. I had 3 doughnuts before my dress fitting yesterday. I hated myself for it. That probably didn't help my case at all. Before my last fitting I'm barely going to eat anything that day, and I'm going to be taking much better care of myself.
If you're trying to lose weight get an app called Daily Burn, it's for iPods or iPhones, and I'm sure iPads too. I haven't been the best about keeping up w/ it lately. You can record your food and drinks and your exercise for the day. When you see how much fat and how many calories you're taking in during the day really effects you. It makes you want to be better at finding the right foods to eat.
If you're struggling w/ weight or losing it, I'm right there w/ you. I'm super lazy. I find excuses for everything, and I'm doing my best to stop. You hafta find something that makes you want to lose the weight. The squat challenge I did was to one of my favorite songs, so I had fun while it was killing me. I like exercising w/ other people. I like the class setting so that I know I'm not the only one dying. I just don't have any money for a gym membership, but I always listen around to hear who gives a month free or a week of classes for free.
I will lose another 20-30lbs this year, and I will be a lot more fit by the end of this year, and I will be happy w/ myself and how I look :)
I've also been trying to eat healthier lately. I want to look good in a bikini when Chris and I go on our honeymoon. It's been hard, and I have days where I eat what I want, and regret it.
Chris has me working out a lot to help me lose some fat as well. I did this squat challenge the other day, and it killed me. It's on my facebook, and my legs are still hurting. It hurts to walk. It hurts to do anything really. I had my final alteration appointment yesterday. I didn't feel pretty in my dress. This is the first time that I have put on my wedding dress, and not felt pretty. I've gained about 5lbs lately, and my arms look terrible. I almost had back fat, and I felt terrible. Usually when we go for a fitting I have had a shower that morning and my makeup done, and I haven't been up all morning. That wasn't the case yesterday. I had a shower the day before, had been up since 6:20, and no makeup. I looked like a mess.
I'm excited that I'm getting the dress back in a month and I'm going to look much better in it this next time. I won't feel so fat. I want my arms to look better and I want my thighs to look better as well. There is a lot that I want to make look nicer about myself, but I know if I can't do all this before the wedding that it won't be the end of the world.
I won't ever let myself get as heavy as I was a few years ago. It's a daily struggle to maintain a weight and to lose weight. I had 3 doughnuts before my dress fitting yesterday. I hated myself for it. That probably didn't help my case at all. Before my last fitting I'm barely going to eat anything that day, and I'm going to be taking much better care of myself.
If you're trying to lose weight get an app called Daily Burn, it's for iPods or iPhones, and I'm sure iPads too. I haven't been the best about keeping up w/ it lately. You can record your food and drinks and your exercise for the day. When you see how much fat and how many calories you're taking in during the day really effects you. It makes you want to be better at finding the right foods to eat.
If you're struggling w/ weight or losing it, I'm right there w/ you. I'm super lazy. I find excuses for everything, and I'm doing my best to stop. You hafta find something that makes you want to lose the weight. The squat challenge I did was to one of my favorite songs, so I had fun while it was killing me. I like exercising w/ other people. I like the class setting so that I know I'm not the only one dying. I just don't have any money for a gym membership, but I always listen around to hear who gives a month free or a week of classes for free.
I will lose another 20-30lbs this year, and I will be a lot more fit by the end of this year, and I will be happy w/ myself and how I look :)
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